July 31st, 2015. Allow me to more affectionately refer
to it as one of the worst days of my life. Perhaps also one of the best,
however at the age of almost twenty, it is difficult to see very far into your
own future and destiny. For instance, I graduate in two years and have only the
faintest idea of what I want to do with my life. Currently it is teaching
English in Thailand for a year. But that is a story to be reflected on at a different
time because, as everyone knows, a blog, or any story for that matter, must
begin on an interesting note. And mine begins back a few weeks ago on that very
terrible day. That day began with the ending of a five year relationship with someone
I cared deeply for. For anyone that knows me personally, they know that this
particular day was our five year anniversary and I was visiting him in Los
Angeles. This really does seem like the perfect opportunity for, if you’ll
excuse my geographical pun, a Hollywood tragedy. And as you could probably infer from the
adjectives I have associated with this day that parting was less than pleasant
on my end. But I digress. And when I say digress I really mean, booking a
flight that very same day back to Milwaukee and crying an outrageous amount. Even
at this very moment of typing this I laugh at how ridiculous I must have
appeared. I sobbed in my ride to the LAX
airport, wiping my gross snotty nose on my jeans and cried my way through
security until the people around me must have thought I (with my blonde hair
and fair skin) was being deported or some equally tragic event. It wasn’t until
I was sitting at my terminal, four hours early, that I even paused to reflect,
I was so beside myself. And it was during this pause that I couldn’t help but
laugh (internally of course). Sitting next to me on the floor was a family with
a small girl about four years old. This sweet, blonde haired, pink clad little girl
was having a temper tantrum because the airport would only allow her to bring two
stuffed unicorns onto the plane. To this little four year old, this was very
unfair and as she cried and sobbed and pleaded with her mother to please change
the airport’s rule, I was deeply reminded of myself. Had I not cried and
sobbed, and yes, pleaded for him not to break up with me just hours earlier.
Life in that moment seemed very unfair to both myself and to the little girl
with only two unicorns sitting near me. But of course, despite this comical realization,
I managed to cry myself through two flights and a severe weather delay to
Milwaukee. You might think now at this point that this particular blog post, and
indeed, my first ever blog post is intended for you to feel sorry for me. But
it is not. Because this particular post is about change, and how much humans
may hate change, but sometimes it is the very thing we need.
Allow me, if you will, to pause my not
so tragic tragedy, and reflect on a different aspect of my life. This summer I
spent my time working at a bank. While I don’t feel the need to name this bank,
one of its branches is closing at the end of the summer. Now I have spent a
good chunk of my time working at this branch and it is amazing the amount of
people that come through its doors telling me how upset they are that they now
have to drive an additional 1.7 miles to do their banking. Yes that’s right not
even 2 miles. I don’t fault these people for being upset though, their routine
and something they find familiar, maybe comforting even, has changed on them.
And as you can see from this post, us humans, we tend not to appreciate change
as it is happening. However I am sure that given some time, these people will
forget about the distance after a month or two. Likewise with time, I too will
forget the sadness felt on that particular day in the LA airport and my life
will continue on as I develop new memories, both good and bad, as well as the
passing of time. The very fact that I am writing this post is a testament to
that. That in addition to the wonderful people I have surrounding myself in my
life. Take a moment to reflect on who would be there for you in your time of
need. Take that list and now double it. That is what I experienced returning to
Wisconsin. I have such incredible family and inspiring friends. I guarantee
that you, dear reader, do as well, but we often forget this when we are wrapped
within our own little world and sometimes it takes a personal hardship on your
own account to realize the people who are there for you. While I have been
given countless pieces of advice and words of wisdom two things that have
resonated with me during these past few weeks are actually two books. The first
being Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth
Gilbert and the second being The
Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. If you have not read these books, I
strongly encourage that you do so. I have spent a great deal of my time and
energy being concerned with making someone else happy. So much so that a friend
of mine told me, that now that I was single, I could pursue my hobbies and
passions. Which then brought to my attention my utter lack of knowledge to what
I even enjoyed doing for myself anymore. These books have helped a lot of
educating myself to the type of person I wish to be as well as the type of
person I am meant to be. And while sometimes these two things are different and
believe me they can be, they can also overlap and be the same. And so, in
closing this ever lengthening blog post. I take this time to acknowledge that I
have passions and interests. These past few weeks have been spent pursuing them
and learning more about myself. Currently they include yoga, eating food,
reading books, and striving to feel empowered as well as finding the happiness
in my everyday life. These things, that I hadn’t spent much time on in the past
few years (okay you got me, I always had time for good food) have brought me a
sense of happiness and tranquility that I have not experienced in a very long
time. And although its only been a few short weeks, I am excited to see what
the future whether it be in terms of weeks, months, or even years, has in store
for the authentic version of me.
-T
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