Happiness

Let me begin with my apologies for the rather large gap between my last post and this one. With my junior year now in full swing, life has been incredibly hectic, in the best sort of way. My classes have already challenged my ideas and beliefs as well as pushed me past my usual comfort zone. Okay you’ve got me, my French class is just shitty. I hide in the back of the room praying my professor will call on one of the very enthusiastic freshmen instead, while I count down the days until I have finished the unfortunate requirement needed for graduation. Luckily, I can assure you my other classes are much more enjoyable. I’ve also started a new job, continued with my student org, and began my role as a team leader for Badger Volunteers. Needless to say, I hope this explains my rather lengthy absence from these posts. But as I have said in previous entries, I digress. You did not come to this page to hear about my schedule and if you did, I’m sorry to disappoint. No, I wanted to make this post about me and my happiness. I promise you it isn’t as selfish and vain as you are currently judging me for, well at least I hope not.

Take a second and reflect, what do you like to do? If you’re like me, you answer this question with your intended audience in mind. For instance, if I am talking to a classmate, I might mention a recent documentary I’ve watched (I love social and nature documentaries) or what I did last weekend, depending on what type of person I think they are. In fact, I’m sure you do it too. It’s not to say you and I pretend to be someone we’re not, but rather, provided you have some type of social graces, we want to come across as interesting as well as engaging in activities we think they will like. This brings me to my first point about my happiness. How many times have you wanted to begin a hobby or activity for the fact that it would make you more interesting, cooler, or well-rounded, not because you enjoyed it? I can promise you that I have. I have attempted to play guitar, I’ve bought Grapes of Wrath, which is currently collecting dust on my shelf, I’ve attempted to genuinely enjoy running (okay so this activity I still do, but it is done begrudgingly with a sense of duty to my health). On the reverse side of the spectrum, you shy away from certain things you enjoy because others don’t or they are perceived to be unworthy. I’m guilty of this and I know that others are as well. Why do we deny ourselves our own personal happiness in order to placate those around us? Believe me, for anyone that knows me extremely well, I’m practically the queen of compromise and staying quiet about what I want in order to make others happy. I’ve been doing it for so long, I honestly had stopped realizing I was even doing it and it was affecting my happiness. Why on Earth would I want to go through life with the sole purpose of pleasing others? And so this post, dear reader, serves to act as the beginning of my own pursuit of happiness (no I’m not Will Smith) without feeling the need impress those around me. My life will no longer be spent wasted on activities that do not bring me happiness. I came across a quote today: “And so she decided to start living the life she had imagined.” Here is to starting that imagined. 

-T